


Snake at the Zoo

by SatanSpawnedNougat



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Based off a genius Tumblr post, Comedy, Crack, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley does a Harry Potter re-enactment, Crowley turns himself into a snake for fits and giggles, Everyone Is Gay, Harry Potter - Freeform, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Satan bless Tumblr, Snake Crowley, Snakes, but it doesn’t exactly go as planned, idk why i wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 16:54:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19155154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanSpawnedNougat/pseuds/SatanSpawnedNougat
Summary: Where Aziraphale and Crowley visit the zoo. But then Crowley gets the ‘brilliant’ idea to turn himself into a snake and ruin everyone’s day by kinda-reenacting that scene from Harry Potter.





	Snake at the Zoo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Luciferstempest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luciferstempest/gifts).



With a deep sign, Aziraphale peeked into yet another terrarium containing some kind of reptile. An iguana, this time. “Not here either,” the angel muttered under his breath.

He wouldn’t be looking around like this and possibly making a fool out of himself if it wasn’t for the fact that his demonic companion got the ‘brilliant’ idea to turn himself into a snake and slitter of somewhere. In the London Zoo. In the reptile area. And now Aziraphale couldn’t find him anymore. So being a good friend, he set out to find him. 

He looked into each terrarium to see if he could spot a specific black snake. He took a longer look at the snakes he came across, but none of them were the one he was looking for. He had found a black snake, but this snake missed the twinkle in his eyes he loved so much as well as the dark-red markings that his demon had. “Not this one,” he said, displeased. 

“Where are you, Crowley?” He called out in distress. “This isn’t funny anymore!” 

A women with a child shot him a look and Aziraphale awkwardly smiled at her as she hurried her child along. “Thanks to you I’m making a fool out of myself,” he muttered, continuing with his search and wondering how large the reptile area even was. He couldn’t recall the London Zoo being  _ this _ large. Then again, it had been almost five decades since he last visited it. 

Frowning down at an albino snake - which definitely wasn’t Crowley - a worker seemed to approach him. “Can I help you, Sir?” A young man asked. 

The angel looked up and blinked. “Oh, uhm. No thanks, I’m fine. Just,” he lightly tapped the glass that separated them from the albino snake, “just looking at the reptiles. I really do love the snakes,” he said with a polite smile. 

The young man’s eyes lit up.  _ A snake lover it seems _ , Aziraphale thought. His name tag read ‘Harry’ he noted. “Oh yes! They are truly fascinating animals, aren’t they? There’s nothing quite like them,” Harry said, fondly looking down at the albino snake. 

Before Aziraphale could answer, a high-pitched scream pierced tore through the air. The angel’s gut sank when he realized that was probably where Crowley was and he hurried over to undo whatever chaos the demon had caused when he turned his back. 

Having reached the scene, his shoulders sunk when his eyes fell on a familiar black snake with red markings over its scaled body. Crowley seemed to have slithered into a terrarium and he had used his powers to make the glass disappear, which was what had prompted a scream of a woman standing near-by. “Watch thisss sssuckersss,” snake-Crowley hissed.

“Did that snake just talk?” Harry asked in bafflement. Aziraphale realized that the man must have followed the scream as well. 

He laughed awkwardly. “No, of course not. That would be ridiculous,” he nervously spoke just as Crowley lifting up his huge body and slithering out of the terrarium and entered the crowd - which quickly escalated into pure chaos. When the humans noticed that a huge black snake had entered their midsts, screams erupted and people started pushing each other out of the way as they tried to get as far away from Crowley as possible - who seemed to be having the time of his life as he pulled himself up to his full height and jokingly hissed at the humans. 

“That’s the largest snake I’ve ever seen,” Harry mumbled, “I don’t remember having seen that one around before as well.” 

Aziraphale’s eyes widened drastically. “ _ Crowley _ !” He scolded, making the snake turn towards him and one of his yellow eyes drop down in a wink. “Bad snake!” 

An alarm sounded and both the angel and the demon looked up in shock. Harry seemed to snap out of whichever daze he was in and turned towards him. “Sir, I’ll have to advise you to leave this building immediately,” he said just as security started to pour into the building and crowd around Crowley, who made himself taller in response and bare his fangs. “We will deal with the snake.” 

“But,” he started to say, but he was already getting pushed towards the exit of the reptile area. He stood on the tips of his toes as he was getting guided out just to see one of the guards shot a paralyzing dart into Crowley’s neck, making the huge demonic snake fall down. “Don’t hurt him,” he nearly begged, but the door leading to the reptile area had already closed in his face. 

“A snake seemed to have escaped from its habitat. Please don’t panic and head towards the exit in an orderly fashion. You will get a refund of your tickets,” a voice sounded over the speakers, heard across the zoo. 

“Fu-,” Aziraphale started to say, catching his tongue as guards started to lead him away together with the other visitors. “Crowley, you bloody idiot.” 

~~

Darkness had fallen over the land like a large looming blanket and clouds had covered the stars. A black snake laid in a terrarium, lightly dazed from the day’s events and still somewhat paralyzed. He could still feel the spot where the dart had entered his skin and slipped past his scales. He was slowly starting to regret his decision of taking on this form in a zoo. He should have known it wouldn’t have ended well. He was vaguely aware of people walking back and forth before the terrarium, but he was still too dazed to make out words. 

The only thing he knew was that they were talking about him. 

His gaze was settled on the white snake in the terrarium in front of his. The white snake had done nothing but glare at him with those red eyes ever since he woke up. He didn’t like the white snake. 

Suddenly, the talking stopped and when he lazily looked up he noticed that all the humans were lying motionless on the ground. Someone knelt in front of his terrarium. “Crowley!” A familiar voice called out. 

Crowley knew that voice anywhere. “Azira-phale,” he hissed, lifting up his black head. 

“Hold on, I’ll get you out of there,” his angel said, snapping his fingers and miracling the glass separating them away. Still dizzy, Crowley slithered out of his prison, turning back to his other form half-way and falling face-down on the floor. “What did they gave you?” Aziraphale asked him, helping him up. 

Crowley absently swung an arm over the angel’s shoulder to steady himself. “They gave me,” he slowly said, “everything.” 

“Those humans. Did you kill ‘em?” Crowley mumbled as Aziraphale carefully guided him out of the reptile area. Crowley noticed that more humans were laying face-down outside. 

“ _ No, of course not _ .” Aziraphale seemed perplexed at him even asking that question. “I’m an angel. They are sleeping and having very nice dreams. They will wake up the next day with no recollection of what transpired the previous day.” 

“Thank you, Angel.” He placed his head on Aziraphale’s shoulder and blinked his serpentine eyes. He appeared to have lost his glasses and his fiery hair was in disarray, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care at the moment. 

“I would have gotten you out sooner,” Aziraphale started to say, “but I thought that spending the day in a zoo would be a nice punishment. You scared a lot of poor people back there… and I was scared I might have lost you as well.” 

Lazily blinking, Crowley tried to process those words. But his drugged mind didn’t seem to work in his favor for the words escaped him as quickly as water slipping past stones. 

“Let’s just get you home.” And then Aziraphale started to half-drag him out of the zoo. 

 


End file.
